Usually, they’re trying to help. The people who care about you may worry that you’ll fall, get hurt, or wear yourself out, so they start stepping in. If you’re still able to participate, though, having everything done for you can mean fewer chances to keep using the skills and abilities you still have. It may help to be specific about where you want to stay involved and where help would actually be useful. Sometimes that means doing part of a task, taking more time, or changing how it’s done. There’s a lot of room between doing everything alone and having everything done for you.

Living alone can make a fear of falling feel very different because you may be thinking, “What happens if I fall and no one is here?” Start by looking at the activities that make you the most nervous. You may feel perfectly comfortable making breakfast but avoid taking a shower until someone is nearby. Or you may be fine moving around the house but worry about getting outside, carrying laundry, or bringing groceries in. Those details help identify where you may need a safer way to do something, a change in your setup, the right equipment, or a plan for getting help if something happens. Living alone doesn’t mean you have to figure everything out alone. There are ways to make everyday activities safer while helping you continue doing as much for yourself as possible.

When everyday activities take more energy than they used to, it’s easy to use up most of what you have just getting through one part of your day. Start paying attention to where your energy is going. If taking a shower leaves you too tired to make breakfast, or doing the laundry means you don’t have the energy to cook dinner, that’s useful information. You may need to change how you pace your day, break activities into smaller parts, sit for portions of a task, or decide what really needs to be done that day and what can wait. And if the fatigue is new, getting worse, or seems out of proportion to what you’re doing, let your healthcare provider know. The idea is to use the energy you have for the things that matter most to you.

She may be stubborn, but there may be more going on. Think about what it feels like to have someone start questioning the way you’ve done things for years or telling you that you need help when you don’t think you do. Even a good suggestion can feel like someone is trying to take over.

Instead of leading with the solution, try starting a conversation about what you’re noticing. “Mom, I’ve noticed the steps seem a little harder lately. How do they feel to you?” gives her a chance to tell you what she thinks before you tell her what you think she needs.

And be willing to compromise. You may want the safest possible option while your mom is thinking about what she’s willing to live with every day. Sometimes you can find a middle ground that addresses your concern while still giving her choices and some control over the decision.

You may not agree on everything, and that’s okay. Keep the conversation going. A solution is much more likely to work when your mom has had a say in it

That’s a big decision, and I wouldn’t make it based on one bad day—or one scary incident.

Take a closer look at how your dad is actually managing day to day. Is he taking care of himself? Eating regularly? Managing his medications? Getting around safely? Keeping up with the home? Is he able to get help when he needs it?

Then ask another important question: What does dad want?

Sometimes families assume the only choices are staying exactly as things are or moving to assisted living. There may be other options worth exploring first: changes to the home, equipment, help with certain activities, additional services, or a different way of managing daily routines.There are also times when someone’s needs have reached a point where the current living situation may no longer provide the level of support they need.

Sometimes another set of eyes can be helpful. When you’re the one worrying, helping, and trying to make the decision, it can be hard to know what you’re seeing or what you might be missing. Having someone come into the home and see your mom in her everyday environment can bring a different perspective to the conversation. I may notice concerns, possibilities, or solutions that haven’t come up yet. That can give you and your mom more information to work with as you decide what comes next.